I mentioned previously that I had rough time with the nursing, and a whole lot of pain once the flood gates opened and the milk came in. I cried the first night in the hospital, but finally got them pumped down enough to have some relief. I’m not sure if the nurses on-duty found me annoying, or if this was a semi-normal situation for them…the only thing I knew for sure is that these two were not very educated on engorgement.
Katelyn was brought in to me later in the night so that I could continue to nurse her once the solid masses in my breasts were softened up a bit. With her nursing, I was able to stay on top of the engorgement until Sunday afternoon. When again, I was reduced to tears. All I had was a hand pump and a baby having trouble latching on. I admit, I was pretty frustrated and the streaming tears didn’t help.
Chris felt about as helpless as he could, and because my parents, sister, and nephews were in town to greet us when we got home – he was able to jump in the car and head to Walgreens to either rent or purchase a breast pump. They didn’t have what he was looking for, so he headed 30 minutes out to the next town to find one on a Sunday.
Everyone at the house was trying to comfort me and to be understanding, but I felt like they were just witnesses to my failure…which made me cry again as soon as the frustration tears began to slow down. After the embarrassment tears began to clear up, I began to cry because I feared getting Mastitis.
I had just undergone major surgery – the last thing I want is another surgery anytime soon.
*********
I went from a plan of breastfeeding exclusively to spending an entire day pumping exclusively. Chris enjoyed this because it gave him a chance to bond with Katelyn in a way he hadn’t been able to those first couple days. Although, he was upset about my pain and frustration over the entire deal.
Thankfully, I had a friend obtaining her Lactation Consultant certification message me, yelling through email – “DON’T PUMP!” I listened to her, and since then I have only had to pump once, for about three minutes just to get the lump forming in my armpit down while the baby got ready to nurse. I’m not disappointed that I had to pump again for this short time, but I am glad that Jessica reached out to me without me having to say anything. She just knew as a recent new mom herself what I was going through.
It was because of her message that I haven’t felt like a failure since. Support really is the best emotional medicine around. So, if you are a breastfeeding and you feel like a failure – just know that it is a very common place for breastfeeding moms to be. Everyone tells me that the first month is the worst, and I believe them when I say it does get easier.
No comments:
Post a Comment